Guten tag, y’uns! Is there any place you’d rather be today than this Garden of Earthly Delights that we call Cleveland?
I can’t think of one.
I’ve been waiting my whole life for this day.
As you know, if there’s one source I like to quote more than Mike Tyson or the “Rocky” film series, it’s the Bible. And on this particular morning, I woke up praying on Psalms 118:24: “This is the day the Lord has made/We will rejoice and be glad in it.”
Cleveland, if ever one of your beloved sports teams needed you … this is the day.
Whether you date back to the Miracle Era or you fell in love with Lenny’s squad in the late ’80s or you just jumped on board when TheBron was drafted or even when he returned, the Cavaliers are going to need ALL HANDS ON DECK for Game 6.
If you were around for any or all of the above, you know: tonight’s contest at The Q is the biggest home game in Cavaliers history.
In fact, I usually save this for the end of the column, but I’m going to get it out of the way now …
At any point after you finishing reading, I strongly recommend approaching your boss or supervisor and telling them I said it was cool for you to leave work early and get prepared for tonight’s Game 6 at The Q – whether you’re attending the game or not (and/or that you’ll be pretty much useless tomorrow morning, too).
You’re definitely gonna need some time to work through what I call the 17 Steps of Cleveland Sports Psychopathy, beginning with nervousness before moving on to confusion, anger, denial, jealousy, fear, loathing, self-pity, joy, aggression, incontinence, defiance, determination, more anger, optimism, hope and finally, resolve.
Prepare to run that gamut again tonight – the second of three Championship games the Cavaliers must win over this glorious six-day span.
On Monday night, Kyrie Irving and TheBron were nothing short of brilliant, netting 40-plus apiece – the first teammate tandem in Finals history ever to do so.
And now they both know that those performances are exactly that: history.
The Cavaliers have dropped exactly one home game in the 2016 Playoffs, and it came last Friday at the hands of these Warriors.
In that game, Draymond Green – (despite repeated warnings issued in this very column) – poked the bear in a place, and in a way, both physically and verbally, that the bear does not like to be poked.
For his efforts – and several previous infractions – Green was suspended for Game 5 and spent Monday night watching the Cavs-Warriors games from the A’s-Rangers game.
But Golden State’s versatile and valuable forward will be back in action when we square off for Game 6.
And I expect Cavalier fans to give him a warm welcome back.
I’m sure there’s at least one person at The Q who won’t give anyone a warm welcome anywhere during these NBA Finals. And that’s that irascible PR cuss, Jeff “Schaef” Schaefer.
In the Cavs pregame locker room in Oakland just before Game 5, a high-ranking NBA muckety-muck approached me to say that while I’ve been harsh on the young man, my critique is wholly accurate.
When you combine his brusque, unpredictable attitude with an eight-week Playoff Beard(tm) — (I mentioned previously that he’s already the hairiest person I’ve ever met) – it’s essentially like dealing with some sort of PR lycanthrope (or, in layman’s terms, werewolf) throughout this postseason.
So if Schaef wants to know about the birthday of five German dudes named “Otto” while the rest of us are concentrating on Game 6 – who am I to stop him this close to the next full moon?
About the most exciting event that took place On This Date in History was a meteorite about the size of a Chihuahua’s head crashing through some old-timer’s barn in Wisconsin back in 1911. I can’t believe even a high-ranking member of the Cleveland intelligentsia like Schaef would concern himself with an event so banal.
Today’s Birthdays include the man some consider the greatest rapper of all-times, Tupac Shakur, as well as Rick Adelman, Roberto Duran, Geronimo, Eddie Levert, Darrell “Dr. Dunkenstein” Griffith, Phil “Dr. Puttenstein” Mickelson, the Sandman, the Ultimate Warrior, MC Ren, Jack Albertson, Gino Vannelli, Otto Jahn, Otto Muehl, Otto Eisenschiml and Ernst Otto Schiick of the Tauberbischofsheim Schiicks.
As far as those who Died on This Day and, by all medical logic, are Still Dead, I’d like to say a few words about a friend of Hall of Fame running back Gale Sayers.
His name was Brian Piccolo, and he had the heart of a giant and that rare form of courage which allowed him to kid himself and his opponent – cancer. He had a mental attitude that made Gale Sayers proud to have a friend who spelled out “courage,” 24 hours a day, every day of his life.
Brian Piccolo passed in 1970 at age 26.
Excuse me for a second …
Sorry. I had something in my eye.
Now let’s compose ourselves, get a quick reading on tonight’s Angry-o-Meter and gear up for tonight’s do-or-die matchup.
There’s no need to worry about TheBron losing his cool tonight. He won’t allow Draymond Green to rattle his cage. And I see Green throttling back as well.
They both know the stakes are way too high for any kind of nincompoopery at this point.
As you can see, heading into tonight’s Game 6, Kyrie is trending nicely. And you’ll also notice, how quickly Kyrie is able to ascend the scale.
But it’s different with Kyrie.
One minute, he’s looking like the sleepy-eyed boy next door, doing his little Running Man Challenge with Shump. The next minute, he’s doing open heart surgery on an opponent’s defense. The only player whose game goes from zero-to-60 quicker than Kyrie is the guy he’s guarding in the Finals.
TheBron set ’em up on Monday night. But Kyrie knocked ’em down. And I don’t see the express stopping for either one of them on Thursday night.
The genie’s out of the bottle for both All-Stars, and when the third member of the Big Three rediscovers his rhythm, nothing will get between the Cavaliers and basketball Canaan.
We didn’t come this far just to come this far, my friends.
Let’s go one Championship game at a time – and do it twice.
The rest of the sports world will poop they pampers when the Wine and Gold make history and win the Whole Enchilada – but not you.
You believed the entire time.
We got a long way to go and short time to get there. And we gonna do what they say can’t be done.
So gird up and get ready for a good one.
History is begging you to …
Keep the faith, Cleveland
Your pal, The Optimist
