If you’re reading this, then you already know how good the Golden State Warriors are, especially when they play their small ball lineup with Draymond Green at center. We all know that configuration is a dominant one, so let’s not worry about that and start thinking about how the other 29 teams in the NBA can combat this problem.
Obviously the Lakers couldn’t figure it out, but luckily for you, I have some very good ideas.
Don’t Sweep the Court
Ever get to a gym to play pickup ball with your buddies, only to find out the floor hasn’t been swept? Not only is it gross and disappointing and impossible to grip, it’s also super dangerous. And while I’m not suggesting that a team should do anything to hurt their opponents, maybe telling your operations staff to forgo that final sweep of the court before the opening tip would put a little concern in the mind of the Warriors. No one wants to be slip-sliding all over the court, especially fast guys. Just leave some dust bunnies in the corners and they’ll be like, “Yiiiiiikes, maybe we should take it slow while we’re here.”
Intentionally Foul Every Time
As we all know, three points is more than two points. So I say, just give them the two points via foul shots, then go get your own points on the other end. Maybe you hit a three, maybe someone misses a free throw — all I know is that two points is less than three, so just give them two. Repeat this enough times and you might get a point or two up.
Tar the Court
Probably illegal, but if you cover the court in tar, I guarantee the Warriors won’t be fast-breaking. The downside, of course, is that you just ruined your beautiful hardwood court for the rest of the season. But still, a win is a win, and I’m pretty sure you could get away with this around the holidays if you were to blame it on Kevin McAllister.
Deflate the Ball
I realize this is a basketball website and that we are a basketball television show, but I do keep up to date with other professional sports. One of those sports is football, where you might have heard that the New England Patriots and Tom Brady got in to some trouble for some deflated footballs. Now, I am not suggesting that NBA teams break NFL rules, but “taking the air out of the ball” doesn’t have to just be a coaching cliche, if you know what I mean.
If not, I meant maybe teams should start deflating basketballs so that the Warriors can’t fastbreak so easily. And I’m not talking about ideal gas law, barely deflated balls either — make ’em so that they barely bounce and that everyone is struggling to even dribble, let alone play actual basketball.
If the ball doesn’t bounce, it’s basically impossible for the Warriors to sprint at full speed because they’ll always be grabbing at the ball. This allows all your slower guys to catch up and stay in front of them, plus it negates some of Stephen Curry’s incredible dribbling skillz and stepback threes that leave your favorite team feeling dejected. So not only are they not scoring like crazy, they also don’t get those emotional boosts from getting their fans all riled up.
Of course, this means your team is also playing with the flat ball, and suffering through the exact same problems when they’re on offense. But this is about stopping the Warriors, not getting buckets.
Leave Long Grass on the Court
This is another cross-sport idea, mostly coming from baseball, where a team won’t mow their infield grass too short in order to give their infielders more time to get to grounders. (I seem to remember high school football teams doing something similar, like run-oriented teams preferring longer grass so that they can make harder cuts or something.)
I am pretty sure that growing grass on your court is illegal in the NBA, so maybe this is the kind of thing only teams that wear green would be able to pull off, probably by planting seeds in the lane and just keeping it under wraps until game time, so that officials can be, “What? There’s grass in the lane? That’s odd, guess we can mow it down, but we have to play this game tonight.” Next thing you know, the Warriors are slipping all over the place and just generally thrown off by seeing grass on a court. Advantage: team who grew the grass and remembered to wear their molded cleats.
Play Five Smalls
I guess you could try this, assuming you have a four-man in the body of a three-man who has the arms of a five and can guard any position on the court, all while shooting a respectable percentage from three on the other end. Then, spend two seasons perfecting it, including during the NBA Finals against one of the best players the league has ever seen. Good luck!
Play Five Bigs
Now we’re talking — a lineup of five big guys, preferably all 6-foot-10 or taller. Yes, you will be at a speed and skill disadvantage, you probably won’t be able to keep up aerobically, a lack of ball-handlers will lead to an absurd amount of turnovers and your shots (most likely twos) will be worth less than their shots (mad threes). But think of the offensive rebound and hard foul opportunities. Not to mention, with all those big guys in the game, you will be using a lot of time on your possessions, limiting the amount of time Golden State can torch you from the perimeter.
Which is why I would take this strategy a step further. When you’re rocking the Five Bigs lineup, make sure you get post touches, then when whichever tall guy has the ball finally gets close enough to the rim to attempt a shot, have them just bonk the ball off the rim and reset the offense. Depending on how accurate the players are with their misses, this could lead to possessions that are minutes-long at a time, completely neutering the Warriors’ small-ball lineup.
I think we are on to something.
